watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
