Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
