i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
