i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
