i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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