Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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