Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
