I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
