I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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