So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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