Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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