My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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