Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
