My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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