and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
