think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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