my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
