I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
