Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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