She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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