i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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