My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Green mimosas i think yes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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