No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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