tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
