so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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