Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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