How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
