i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
