Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
