Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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