After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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