You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
