And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
