Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
