So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
