no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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