Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
