$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
