is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
