you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
