You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
