I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
