Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
