By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
