I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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