he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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