Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
