Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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