he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she told me i tasted like america
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
