My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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