i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
