There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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