I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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