You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
