This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
